The Christmas Ball
by Edfan765
Summary: Master Hand sets up a festive Ball for the Smashers! Not exactly his brightest idea. With insane Link stalkers, mutant formal wear, and Big Gay Dancing, the Smashers might not be surviving this Christmas...


**In truth, I had this ready for a while. I was able to get onto Fanfiction for a while, so I went through a quick spell check and fixed a few errors, and Ta-da! A Christmasish fanfic! So, I'm still working on my other fictions right now. Trying my best here. So this is just a one-shot (or six-shot...), and does not have anything to do with my other 2 SSBB fics.**

**WARNING: CONTAINS BIG GAY DANCING AND STALKERISH FANGIRLS. NOT RECOMMENDED FOR THOSE WHO FEAR FORMAL WEAR OR SUFFOCATION.**

**HUGE WARNING: Contains Anti-Link/Malon, Saria, Ruto, Midna, Ilia and Anti-C. Falcon/Samus**

******Roll on with the Fanfiction!**

_**The Christmas Ball**_

**Contents:  
Line 1: The Suffocating Tux  
Line 2: Mama Mia!  
Line 3: He's Mine!  
Line 4: Penguins Can't Dance  
Line 5: He's Still Mine!****  
Line 6: The Aftermath**

**The Suffocating Tux  
Staring: Wolf and Meta Knight

* * *

**"Nooo!! You can't make me!" Wolf yelled, reaching for his ray gun on the desk. "I won't let you take me alive!" He tried grabbing it, however someone took it away.

"Wolf, it's just a tuxedo." Meta Knight said, holding the gun. His cape was changed to a lighter lavender color with silver outlining. His mask was also noticeably a lot shinier and seemed to gleam in a golden color.

"Well this stupid formal wear is killing me. I mean why the hell does Master Hand want to put up a dumb ball? Don't we already have enough Nintendo couples?" Wolf complained loudly. He had worn a black tux with a corsage on his left part of his tuxedo. His pants were also black, with his tail sticking out from the back. He also had to get rid of his little scanner over his left eye and had to wear normal foot wear instead of his intergalactic boots.

Meta Knight shook his head. "Look, it's just going to take 3 hours and then we can leave. Just have fun or whatever. You can just sit in the crowd or whatever."

"Fine," Wolf replied bitterly. He did not really see any point in Christmas. More specifically, the ball. Just a bunch of love-struck ditzies dancing with each other and kids on sugar buzzes. "But I don't have to like it." He quickly added, glaring at himself in the mirror. He also hated having to wear formal wear, as he often found it suffocating.

Meta Knight sighed. "Fine. But come on. The ball's about to begin." Meta Knight replied.

Wolf cursed under his breath as he opened the door to see Ganondorf and Wario. Ganondorf's appearance was rather the same, only his cape looked more regal and was golden, and his attire was cleaner, and he was no longer wearing gloves.

Wario however, could care less about his appearance. He wore his normal pants and belt (amazing how it never snaps off). However, his shirt was black (with several noticeable dirty spots on it) and he was not wearing his jacket, gloves, nor helmet, to reveal hair similar to Mario's.

"Okay, let's just see if we can survive another Christmas ball." Wolf muttered bitterly. Ganondorf nodded while Wario picked his nose (yes, in front of three others).

Wolf rolled his eyes as the four villains (Meta Knight is quite questionable) made their way down to the ball.

**Mama Mia!  
Staring: Mario, Peach, and Luigi

* * *

**The huge ball had begun a few minutes after Wolf and his gang arrived. Mario and Luigi, both dressed in tuxedos, with a pink and yellow corsage respectively sat at their own table. Neither of them wore their hats, revealing their hair to be very smooth and flat because of their hats always being on. Yoshi was also with them, but wasn't important at all.

Master Hand had allowed each smasher bring in two people to the gala. The whole ballroom was filled with people. Mario smiled and sighed.

"It's not-a everyday that you-a get to relax like this, Luigi." Mario said, leaning against the back of his chair, crossing his arms behind his head. "I bet 30 coins that-a by the end-a of the day the mansion will-a burn down."

Luigi raised an eyebrow. "You're on-a!" He pulled some coins from his pocket and laid them on the table. Mario did the same and got up and looked at the center of the room, where many people were dancing to some wild pop rock.

"I'm-a gonna go dance. Save-a me some pasta when I get-a back!" Mario said, getting up to dance with the rest of the crowd. Luigi got up to get some spaghetti, both of the bros' favorite.

In the huge crowd, Mario bumped up into Link. "Hey-a Link! How's it-a going?"

Link made a slight chuckle. He wore a scarlet tunic with golden outlines, and an expensive-looking belt. He wasn't wearing his hat, so his long blond hair often got in the way of his face. He also switched his normal earrings with smaller silver ones. He still wore his tight pants, and boots.

He brushed some hair from the front of his face. "Not much Mario,"

"I meant with Zelda." Mario corrected. Link felt himself turning a bit pink. He and Zelda had finally been together after last Christmas after an incident involving a mistletoe and their lips. "Well-"

"There you are Mario!" A familiar, feminine voice called out. Mario turned around to see Peach in a blue dress with green star earrings. Yet she still retained her crown, and wore some glass slippers (which never really make sense). Mario grinned as Link quietly escaped and disappeared into the crowd.

"Mama Mia! Princess, you look-a beautiful!" Mario complemented. Peach giggled at his comment.

"Thanks Mario. I like your little corsage." Peach returned the compliment. She kissed Mario's cheek, and he turned a bit red.

The song had then changed to an even wilder pop rock song. "Come on Mario! Let's dance!" She grabbed Mario's wrist in the middle of his ever so famous, "Mama Mia."

**He's Mine!  
Staring: Link, Zelda, and all of those Link fangirls people constantly pair him up with

* * *

**Link gotten away from Mario and was now running through the crowd. At this point, he was talking with Marth (still in his normal, fancy-looking attire), Roy (also, in his same attire), and Ike (who had gotten rid of his headband, and worn a less-worn out red cape) at their own table, joking around and generally having a good time. Roy was in the middle of telling a joke when Zelda came over.

"Hey guys." She said a bit loudly, due to the music's volume. She wore a lavender dress with some white gloves and silver high-heels. Her dress notably gleamed a little bit, and had some triforce earrings on.

The four greeted her in their own ways. In a quieter voice, Zelda asked Link, "Do you mind if we talked,"

The other 3 overheard and quietly snickered to themselves. Zelda noticed this and quickly added, "Alone?"

Link replied with a "sure" as he and the princess left with the Fire Emblem smashers. Ike quickly started up a conversation. "All who agree that they'll find themselves under a mistletoe like last year by tonight say 'I.'" The three of them said "I" at the same time, just as Ike suspected.

Meanwhile in the crowd, Zelda and Link suddenly stopped. Zelda's voice rang out to Link. "Okay, _why _did you invite them?" She asked annoyed, pointing toward two tables. Link squinted, to see that Saria, Malon, Princess Ruto, Ilia, and Midna were in those chairs! Link looked confused. Zelda asked again, "Why did you invite them?"

"I didn't" Link replied. Unknown to them, Ganondorf had convinced Wolf and Wario to invite all of Link's stalkers to the ball as payback since the last Zelda game.

Link sighed as Zelda put a hand on his shoulder. "You know you have to tell them that… We're in a relationship, right?"

"I know that," Link replied. "It's just that... you know…"

Zelda raised an eyebrow. "What?"

Link looked at her. "That they might kill us if I tell them the person I love is-."

"Who?" Malon's familiar voice asked. Link and Zelda jumped to see all of the mentioned girls now staring at him.

"We're dead…" Link whispered. He did not have his sword or shield, so he was practically writing his will right now. He took a quick glance at Zelda, then at the girls. "Okay, you guys aren't going to be exactly, pleased… in fact, some of you are probably going to want to skin me alive after I tell you my news."

"Just tell us who you like!" Ilia commanded impatiently. Link sighed.

"Fine. It's-"

"ME!" Malon called out. Her remark ironically, saved Link and Zelda.

"No! He loves me!" Saria argued, pushing Malon to the ground.

"He'd rather slit his throat before dating you!" Ruto spat.

"I've known him for years! It's obviously me!" Called the infamous horse-lover, Ilia.

"No way! You yelled at him for a scratch that wasn't even on his horse!" Midna yelled.

"He's mine!" Saria cried, tackling Ilia and Midna to the ground.

"You can't have him! He was already engaged to me!" Ruto screamed, attacking the others.

"HE LOVES ME YOU JERKS!!" Malon screamed, grabbing a cactus from one of the entrances (for decoration) and started to destroy the others.

Soon, the argument between the five turned into a vigorous battle. Link and Zelda looked at each other speechlessly, before slowly creeping away from the cat fight. It was very ironic how none of them bothered to attack Zelda, despite the fact that Link was talking with her in the first place.

"You know, it's usually the boys who end up fighting over a girl." Zelda quoted.

"I'm glad you're not like them." Link sighed in relief.

**Penguins Can't Dance  
Staring: King Dedede and his Waddle Dee army

* * *

**Later on in the party, everything had seemingly gone good. Only an hour of the party was left (Wolf keeping track vigorously), and soon a dancing contest was held. Only several people participated; Wario, Mario, Luigi, Peach, Daisy, Captain Falcon (only to impress Samus, which would later horribly fail), Kirby, Jigglypuff, and several others,King Dedede included.

"Honestly, you can't dance for the life of ya'." Wolf had said after hearing about it. King Dedede was determined to prove to the world he could dance like anyone else. However, many people doubted him, much to his displeasure.

Soon, it was King Dedede's turn to dance (after Captain Falcon was pelted repeatedly by tomatoes). When he came onto the stage many people raised their eyebrows, while others prepared to put on earmuffs. However, behind King Dedede were his army of about 60 soldiers, involving Waddle Dees, Waddle Doos, and Gordos.

Suddenly, the lights changed into a dim, red color, and the music and chatting had silenced. King Dedede remained still.

In the crowd, a few people muttered several things. "Oh great, here it comes..."

The song started going rather crazy to the (not-so) famous techno song, "Red Zone" (by Tatsuya Shimizu and Naoki Maeda). The King now started doing his famous "Big Gay Dance" in fast-forward, his Waddle Dee Henchmen dancing in the same fashion. The Gordos however, bounced around fast to produce some ball-bouncing like effects on the dance. Many people either cheered, or laughed their guts out. You choose.

Wolf, Ganondorf, and Wario in the background were staring in shock. "Oh... My... God..." Wario had managed to speak.

In order to impress the crowd more, King Dedede had to make the song extra-spazzy. Soon, it broke into an extra spazzy part and King Dedede was practically blinding people with his "Bigger, Gayer, Dance."

"It's blinding me!! And Link's _still _mine!" Ilia had spoke in the middle of the fight, that was still taking place an hour after Link had left. However, Link and Zelda sat at their own table, still watching the girls fight.

Back with the King, his song eventually ended with all of his soldiers standing on top, and next to one another in order to make it look like a pyramid, with the King on top. At this point, half of the people cheered, or just fell on the floor, and starting rolling around, laughing.

However, as soon as the music ceased to continue, the adrenaline in all of King Dedede's men blew out and they all tumbled down.

"See? He _still _can't dance." Wolf announced proudly.

**He's Still Mine!  
****Staring: Link, Zelda, Marth, Roy, Ike, and said fangirls from story 3****

* * *

**"FOR THE LAST TIME, HE IS MINE!!"

"Yeah right, you fish... princess... thing...!"

"He's my boyfriend, and we are getting married!!"

"Shut up! He'd rather eat a plate of worms than marry you!"

Link's stalkerish fangirls continued to fight. In the background, Link and Zelda are still seen next to each other.

"Aren't they tired yet?" Zelda asked. Link shrugged. They had been at it for about an hour and a half (including through a slow-dance, where they were oblivious of Link and Zelda dancing together romantically). The two noticed this, so they had watched from their table.

Marth walked to their table. "Link, Zelda. I want to show ya' something." Marth said.

Link knew what he was trying to do. "We're not falling for that again."

Marth fake gasped. "I wasn't trying to pull any-"

"You and your friends lured us under a mistletoe in front of the entire mansion last year!" Zelda interrupted a bit angrily.

At that moment, Master Hand floated in. In a deep voice, he yelled "Zelda Harkinian, and Link... Whatever your last name is, you follow Marth and let him show you whatever he has to reveal to you! Right, now!"

"Sir yes sir!" The couple had stammered at the same time, saluting. They reluctantly followed Marth out of the ballroom. As soon as they were out of sight, Master Hand's middle finger suddenly slipped off, to reveal Ike!

"Hehe..." He laughed. "And now for the next phase..." Ike quickly pulled on the middle finger slip again, and floated towards the stalkers.

"You five." He said in a deep menacing voice. The 5 stopped fighting immediately, stuck in rather vicious-looking posses. "I need you all to follow me please."

'Master Hand' floated towards the direction Marth dragged the Hylians over, with the five Link-stalkers following closely behind, silently pushing and shoving.

Back with Marth, Link, and Zelda, Marth eventually led them to his room. "Just walk right in there." Marth told them, smirking to himself. Link and Zelda eyed him suspiciously.

"Okay, what are you up to?" Zelda asked, crossing her arms.

"Nothing." Marth replied. "Besides, Master Hand's orders."

Link sighed. "We don't have much of a choice then."

The two entered the through the door, to see that it was just a normal room. The two looked around a bit, however saw nothing suspicious. Link looked towards a grinning Marth.

"What are you trying to pull?" He asked angrily. Marth simply pointed up. The confused Hylians looked up to see something rather familiar...

"ANOTHER MISTLETOE?!" The two screamed at the same time. Roy was using a fishing pole to hang a mistletoe over the entrance! Marth snickered.

"Come on, at least it's not in front of the whole mansion again! Come on, just get it over with." Marth commanded.

Link sighed. "Whatever... Are you ready, Zel?" He wasn't very comfortable doing something like that in front of people.

Zelda nodded. "Time to relieve last year... again."

Back with Malon, Saria, Ruto, Ilia, Midna, and the imitation Master Hand, they quickly traveled through the hallways, up until they got to a certain closed door.

"Okay, now follow me, ladies." 'Master Hand' commanded. He opened the door to reveal something truely horrifying... to the Link stalkers anyway.

"That... That... _THAT WITCH!!_" They had screamed, after seeing Link and Zelda kissing. They instantly pulled away, flushed in red.

"GRR... LET ME AT HER!!" Midna screamed. Ilia pushed her to the ground first.

"Not if I kill her first!"

"Hey, he's going to be mine!"

"Ha! And what? Make freak children? Zelda will die in my hand, and Link shall marry me!!"

"You'll live forever, and he won't! It'll be better If he was with me instead, Saria!"

Ironically, the fangirls ended tearing apart each other instead of the Hylian princess Link was seen embracing instead. Marth and Roy walked by and took seats next to Link and Zelda, watching the huge cat fight. Another moment later, Ike came by, and took a seat next to Roy.

"Well, I think I'll remember this Christmas for years." Ike commented.

However, his opinion changed, when a speck of blood was flung from the fight onto Zelda's dress.

"Or perhaps scar me for life..." Roy added, as more blood was spread.

Unfortunately, the violence became intense, and Midna _ripped _Saria's head off!!

"OH MY GOD!!" Ike yelled. Link and Ike proceeded to throw up, while Zelda fainted. Marth's eyes turned completely blank in terror, while Roy started to cower behind his seat.

After about 20 minutes, the bloodshed had ended, however it left a very large, red mess on the floor, and 5 dead bodies.

"... All in favor of never talking about this say 'I.'" Roy announced.

The rest had said, "I" in unison, and quickly left the room in a state of shock.

**The Aftermath  
Staring: Wolf, Wario, and Ganondorf

* * *

**"Come on clock... tick!" Wolf impatiently commanded. He eyed hungrily at the clock. It was still 9:55.

Meta Knight sighed. "Wolf, you cannot make the clock go forward by telling it to." Meta Knight shouted over the very loud music. "Time waits for no man... or animal, puffball, evil King, or whatever else."

However, at that moment, the clock's minute hand ticked. Wolf grinned. "HA! In your face!"

Meta Knight facepalmed as he walked away. Wario and Ganondorf walked up to Wolf.

"Wolf, it's time for our yearly Christmas Prank!" Wario called.

Wolf chuckled. "Oh boy... So what are we going to do this year?"

Ganondorf snickered, as he held up a few sticks of dynamite, matches, and a can beans. "It's a little obvious..."

"And horribly stanky." Wario added.

Wolf quickly looked around. "Well, quick! Let's pull it off!" He quickly grabbed the can of beans and opened it. "Bottom's up, smelly!" He shoved the can into Wario's mouth. After a bit of chewing, Wario swallowed the payload (including the can itself). His stomach grew considerably.

"Okay, all pumped up!" Wario said over the noise of the room. "Ready, in three,"

Ganondorf lit the match.

"Two!"

Wolf positioned the dynamite right behind the match.

"One!"

Ganondorf and Wolf retreated to avoid death.

"BLAST OFF!!"

Wario's nuclear fart was released. However, a frantic Lucas pushed him, making his fart blast aim towards Captain Falcon. Captain Falcon, engulfed in the fart, coughed and choked, constantly, making him fall over on the banquet table, and making a huge glass of ale, a bottle of hot sauce, and a turkey fling across room, hitting Peach, Link, and Mr. Game & Watch respectively. Peach was intoxicated from the alcohol, screwing up her vision and mind. Blinded by the hot sauce, Link tried rubbing the hot sauce out of his eye. Zelda tried helping him out, but Peach drunkenly walked up to her.

"Hey... Quit messin'... with _my _man...!" Peach drunkenly gurgled. Taking out her frying pan, she whacked Zelda in the face, making her fall to the floor, knocking her out. Link had enough vision to see this, and immediately punched Peach in the face before crouching down to tend to Zelda. Mr. Game & Watch, grabbed the turkey, and threw it away, where it hit Ness. Ness fell over, and accidentally tipped over the dynamite, making it slowly roll into the match, until...

**BOOM!!**

A huge hole was engraved in the wall, and many more cracks were slowly spreading across the mansion. It would soon tumble down! Link quickly carried Zelda into his arms, and quickly ran for the exit with everyone else. Mario followed the suit, and so did Captain Falcon too. However, when C. Falcon tried to carry Samus, she immediately kicked him into Wario. Triggering another giant fart, Wario farted at a cactus, making it fling into Waluigi, who was hit in the groin with the pointy plant. Waluigi complained loudly as he fell over, tripping Sonic onto the floor, where he landed headfirst onto Falco's boot.

"YEOW!!" Falco yelled, hopping on one foot, clutching the other. While doing this, his reflector fell out of his tuxedo pocket. Kirby thought it was a cookie, and ate it. However, it electricuted him, and he was zapped, sending a flash of lighting into Luigi, Lucario, Mewtwo, Fox, and Snake. Snake's weapons self-destructed, sending the entire mansion into the air! The power was so intense, that everyone had been flung through the ceiling, bashing right through it!

Soon, the mansion crashed into the ground, with all of the smashers overlooking at it from a hill. The mansion collapsed. Luckily, no one was hurt... badly. However, Master Hand was still wondering why Malon, Saria, Ruto, Ilia, or Midna had never gotten out.

"Ha! Take-a that Luigi! You owe-a me 30 coins!" Mario triumphantly gloated.

**Mah first one-shot! Or... six-shot? Whatever you call it. Anyways, Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year to all!**

**Yes, I am a Zelinker :P**


End file.
